Disappointing News

Hello All. I've got two disappointing news to share. 

First: I did get my period this past Monday, which to my disappointment, means no preggo.  It was comforting though to finally know. I keep repeating myself but I hate the "not knowing" part.

Second: I called my gynecologist, Dr.Keeley, on Monday.  You see, my cycle has been 45-50 days apart.  Normal cycle is like 28-32 days apart.  I was not sure if this was normal. I knew I would be irregular as in - not knowing when I would start. But I didn't think it should be this far apart.  So I called just to make sure nothing was wrong with my health. 

Dr.Keeley said that because my cycle was so far apart - I was not OVULATING. He said "You have a slim to no chance of getting pregnant right now."  Call me foolish, but I was completely blindsighted by this. No one in my family has/had any trouble of getting pregnant. So I assumed that I would just get pregnant just like that. Silly of me. He said if I want to be aggresive about it, I could make an appointment and he would prescribed Clomid. Clomid is a drug to help you ovulate and is also used for infertility. It can result in twins or triplets.  Or he said, since you are so young, you could wait a few months and see if you become more regular. Does he know I'm 26?

I was very disappointed Monday. Shed some tears. One of my biggest fears is that I can't bear a child.  I could rationalize and think it's for the best.  God knows when I am good and ready. I'm still in school after all and under a lot of stress. All true.

But the IRRATIONAL part of me wants to go into a panic. I've kept putting off children because I wanted to get established in my 1st career, then I put it off because I wanted to go to school, now I've put it off because I want to graduate before I have a child.  Now, I get the news that maybe something could be wrong with me....It could be awhile before I can be fixed and have a baby. Who knows?

I'm not an organized person by any means. But I'm a planner at heart.  So Charlie and I have already planned to have four children. We love children and all that comes with it. We are crazy we know.  So all this waiting to have a baby could hinder our plans of having four kids. I mean I am turning 27 in January. I always wanted to be a young mom who could keep up with her children. Now I'll be old and disabled running after my youngest.  LOL.

But I'm striving to get all this negative thoughts out. I really am. I'm letting God take care of it.  I am not going to be aggressive and take Clomid. I will wait it out and see what God has planned for me.  Much easier said than done.  Although it may seem like it - I'm not depressed and I'm not stressed. I know of one person going through the same thing so it gives me comfort that I can turn to her for support.  I've got great friends and family to talk to if I need encouragement.  Charlie has been great and very supportive. This is just a slight detour and Charlie and I will be happy to follow wherever it may lead.