First OB visit

Jan. 29, 2010 was our first ever OB visit with Dr.Keeley.  Charlie and I took the entire day off from work so we could spend time together and get some errands done.

Our visit was at the Boiling Springs Womens Care.  I usually go to Shelby Womens Care but I guess Dr.Keeley was at Boilings Springs that day.  The facility was really nice. I actually liked it more because it was less crowded.  I hate coming into Shelby Womens Care and everyone look at you as you come in and sit down. 

A lady explained all the insurance stuff and costs to us. It was not as expensive as I thought it would be to have a baby. Thank Goodness for insurance.  They're also doing a payment plan for us so that we don't have to pay all at one time. She also asked me and Charlie about our family history.  The only thing we have in our family histories are Diabetes and Hypertension.  Charlie and I are very fortunate that we don't have any genetic defects on either side of the family. 

The visit continued on with a regular check up and last but not least - the ULTRA SOUND!!  It was really surreal seeing my little one on the screen. Even though I know I am pregnant, I kept expecting it to be not real. Like they had made mistake and I really wasn't pregnant. I don't know if that makes sense.  It's just that for the first weeks, you have no idea how your baby is doing because you don't feel it and you can't see it.  I kept thinking that something could go wrong and the baby wouldn't be there anymore......I'm paranoid. I know this.

When he showed us the baby, Charlie and I were elated!! Seriously, I kept giggling and laughing. The screen kept moving because I was giggling so hard. The words "Wow. It's really in there" popped out of my mouth.  It was one of the happiest days of my life. It was sheer joy to see our little one for the first time. 

Welcome Baby G. Some say he/she already looks like me :0)

27th Birthday

Jan 25 was my 27th birthday. I usually love birthdays and really don't mind getting older. But this year, I was really dreading turning 27.  That is, until I found out I was pregnant.  I was dreading it because I know that Charlie and I want a lot of children. I was soon to be 27 without a single one yet.  Being pregnant changed all that, and my 27th birthday was great.

As usual, I always spend my birthday with my family. It's been a long standing tradition since I moved here at 9 years old. I don't have parties or anything extravagant. Just me and my family.  Pretty much how I want it. Low key.

Week 8

6 weeks

7 weeks

8 weeks

excuse the hangers on the door :o) 

Well my once flat belly is slowly disappearing. It's not too obvious yet to others that I'm pregnant. But I feel and see a HUGE difference.  My weight fluctuates each day. I will get on my scale and weigh 117 or 118 or sometimes 119 lbs. My jeans are already getting tighter. They fit my legs and butt - but very tight around the waist. I've bought Bella Bands. These bad boys cover up my jean when I leave them unbuttoned.  Pretty cool.

I've been nauseated for the past two weeks. It not too bad; I know it could be much worse.  My nausea is usually at its peak in the evening.  At this time, nothing seems appetizing and I hardly eat. When I do eat, I may or may not throw it back up. Either way, I'm usually miserable at night. The mornings are not too bad. I just know I have to eat soon after I wake up or I will start to get sick and start dry heaving.. Sorry to gross you out ;0)  I get queasy during lunch time too. So it can pretty much hit me at any time of the day.  I just have to remember to alway have snacks with me. Staying slightly full helps decrease the nausea.  I used to love to eat.. But now, eating is such a chore because I'm hungry ALL the time.  I'm always toting around a lunch box full of snacks. I can't go anywhere without access to food because I hate getting that queasy feeling.

No crazy cravings for me yet.  There are times when I think I want to eat certain foods but when it's in front of me, I don't want it anymore.  At this point, I'll eat anything that doesn't get me sick - usually fruits. 

How I told Charlie

After the doctor's office confirmed I was pregnant, I was on a mission. I really wanted to do something special for Charlie.  So after my errands, I went to the Cleveland Mall and bought a little baby bear and a beautiful picture frame.  On the picture frame are these words "Before you were in this world...you were in our hearts."  I took some of my pretty scrapbook paper and used it as a background.  I typed up "I love you Daddy!" Can't wait to meet you on September 4, 2010!!" and glued it on the background paper.  I placed this as a picture holder until little "Baby G" comes into this world. 

I was sooo excited for Charlie to get home. My hands were shaking when I was doing the picture frame.  I couldn't decide when to tell him.  Believe it or not, I didn't tell him right as he got home.  Now, Charlie doesn't get home until around 7pm..so I've kept this secret ALL day!!!

We ate his absolute favorite meal. Adobo (chicken cooked in soy sauce with garlic and onions), macaroni and cheese, veggies and rice for me.. I even used our "good" dishes and lit up the candles on the dining room table.

I let him eat and talk about his day.  I don't remember much of what we talked about because I was trying to plan how to tell him!!

After supper, I went to give him a hug and kiss and told him I had bought him a surprise today.  Usually I'm rash and buy him things I shouldn't, so he said, "Oh you shouldn't have."  I told him to close his eyes and to keep them close!!  I went to get the bear and hid it behind my back.  He still had his eyes closed so I laid the bear on the dining room table.  I said, "Keep them close and hold out your hands."  He held them out. And instead of putting the bear in his hands. I took his hands and put both of them on my belly.  All I said was "Ok" and then silence.

I guess it only took Charlie a few seconds to understand what was going on. His eyes popped open and he yelled "Are we pregnant???!!!"  I said," We're pregnant!!!!"  That's when we hugged, kissed, squealed and acted like a bunch of little kids.  It was really incredible.  I would rate it as one of my all time favorite moment of my life.

Later that day, we told both of our parents. They were really excited and happy for us. We called close family members and was really too excited to go to bed. But we did.

So now, all that I want to tell has been told.  The rest will hear from others I guess.  My mom and Charlie's mom probably have already told all of Rutherford County by now :0)...

Life is Good.. Charlie and I can't wait to meet "Baby G"!

One of the GREATEST DAYS of my LIFE!!!!

I am shaking as I type this. I found out today that I AM PREGNANT!!!! Aaaaahhhhhh!! I still cannot believe it. I'm in shock. Currently, I have not told ANYONE!! I just found out around 9:30 am this morning. No one will read this until I have personally told them myself via phone or in person - Not even Charlie!! I will tell him tonight!! I can't wait!!!!!! I've been texting him a lot telling him how much I love him and how I can't wait to see him tonight!!! He has no clue. I'm thinking of cooking his favorite meal today and buying flowers. I want to buy something that shows he will be a daddy soon!!  :0)

This morning was another regular morning.  I got up early with Charlie to get started early.  I start back to school tomorrow.  I made Charlie a sandwich for his lunch and kept him company until he left at 6am for work. I caught up on The Office reruns that I dvr'd.  I got ready for a good workout at the gym.. For some reason, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I hadn't took one in awhile. 

I actually FORGOT about the test!!! That's how unexcited I was about the result!!! I piddled around the house and computer.  Watched more Office reruns.. It was an hour later when I went back to check it. I COULD NOT believe there were actually two lines. I looked twice.  I looked in the mirror and just squealed!!! It's just me in the house so I was jumping up and down and squealing my little head off!!! In fact while typing this, I'll just randomly squeal!!! It's really embarrasing :0) But I'm sooooo HAPPY!!

My last period was at the end of November. I skipped the whole month of December but that's nothing unusual with my irregular cycle.  There are some things I noticed this month but I always shrugged it off because I just didn't want to get disappointed again.

1. I have been very emotional again. The smallest thing gets me mad, ill, or sad. Like this past Sat. I was so ill at Charlie because he was out helping his dad and I was all by myself at the house..I mean who cares right?? I was watching tv and relaxing..but NO I was pissy.

I also got very sad the other day at work. I ate lunch with some coworkers and one their daughters came to eat lunch with us. She was 20 yrs old and 24 wks pregnant. I was so happy for her and congratulated her. But inside, I was really screaming!! I mean...why was it that young girls can get pregnant soo easily, but yet I wanted one soo badly and couldn't even ovulate.

2. My boobs have beeen EXTREMELY sore. More sore than they have ever been.  They just hurt.  I was tempted to wear two sports bras during my runs on the treadmill.

3. I got a nauseated feeling one time..and actually tried to throw up because I felt so bad. It wasn't in the morning though; it was at night. 

4. Lastly, the one biggest clue, I keep gaining weight. I am now up to 117 lbs.  I have been working out and lifting weights. I know that muscle weighs more than fat so I kept thinking that was it. But.....I've worked out before and something just didn't feel right. I mean I looked at my belly and it just wasn't toned they way it used to be. I couldn't understand why I was not losing weight as I usually do when I keep working out....SO now we know!!!

WOW. Charlie and I are preggo. I have a lab test today at 3:45pm to confirm.

Saturday Night

Charlie and I went out with our good friends John and Megan this past Saturday. It was late in the evening and Charlie and I were in the backseat.  I was talking and out of nowhere, this wave of nausea just hit me. I had not eaten much that day so I'm sure it was coming from that.  But Megan joked and asked "Are you sure that it?" or something along those lines.

For a split second, I became hopeful again. Hopeful that maybe my doctor could be wrong. That maybe I was ovulating.  I quickly put those thoughts aside though. I've done really well with not thinking about getting pregnant.  Since the doctor gave me the news and after my breakdown, I've really had no time to think about getting pregnant. Thank Goodness that school and work keep me busy.

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I had a really awful dream later that night..

Here it is to the best of my recollection:

I dreamed that Charlie and I had a daughter named Julia..(Lauren - she looked just like your Julia in my dream!!)  So anyway, for some reason Lauren's Julia was my daughter in my dream.  It felt so real because in my dream, Charlie and me where going out with John and Meg too. 

Julia apparently was really sleepy so we decided to put her in her crib. I can remember pulling all the little blankets up to her chin to tuck her in.  Then, the God awful parents that we were (in my dream), we left her !! In the house!! By herself!!  Yes. We went out with John and Meg and even went to Target like we did (for real) Saturday night.

I remember driving home with Charlie (John and Meg didn't drive home with us). I guess they walked home. LOL.  We were talking about Julia. I can remember thinking that our heat had not been working well and I was hoping that Julia would not get really cold. Then my nurse in me kicked in and I started panicking. Panicking that Julia could die if she got so cold. I was so mad at me and Charlie. Mad that we could leave our little girl all by herself.  We were so selfish. We rushed home and luckily Charlie's parents were there and so were Charlie's brother and his girlfried. I picked up Julia and she gave me the saddest look. A look of betrayal - like she couldn't believe I left her there.

That was the end of the dream.

I woke up with my heart thudding. When I woke up, I really thought I had a baby girl in the next room. It took a few seconds to register that no I didn't have a baby. This was 3am Sunday morning.  I got up and drank some water hoping to go back to sleep soon. It didn't work. I sat up for a few minutes and all I could think about was what that dream meant....Would Charlie and I be bad parents?? Would we be so clueless?? Would I ever leave my baby even if by accident?? I was mortified.  So of course I tried to wake Charlie up. I told him about my dream but I don't think it even registered...Poor Charlie. I always get him up with my bad dreams. He went back to sleep and it took me a good hour to finally go back to sleep.

I really hope I don't have any more dreams like that.

Disappointing News

Hello All. I've got two disappointing news to share. 

First: I did get my period this past Monday, which to my disappointment, means no preggo.  It was comforting though to finally know. I keep repeating myself but I hate the "not knowing" part.

Second: I called my gynecologist, Dr.Keeley, on Monday.  You see, my cycle has been 45-50 days apart.  Normal cycle is like 28-32 days apart.  I was not sure if this was normal. I knew I would be irregular as in - not knowing when I would start. But I didn't think it should be this far apart.  So I called just to make sure nothing was wrong with my health. 

Dr.Keeley said that because my cycle was so far apart - I was not OVULATING. He said "You have a slim to no chance of getting pregnant right now."  Call me foolish, but I was completely blindsighted by this. No one in my family has/had any trouble of getting pregnant. So I assumed that I would just get pregnant just like that. Silly of me. He said if I want to be aggresive about it, I could make an appointment and he would prescribed Clomid. Clomid is a drug to help you ovulate and is also used for infertility. It can result in twins or triplets.  Or he said, since you are so young, you could wait a few months and see if you become more regular. Does he know I'm 26?

I was very disappointed Monday. Shed some tears. One of my biggest fears is that I can't bear a child.  I could rationalize and think it's for the best.  God knows when I am good and ready. I'm still in school after all and under a lot of stress. All true.

But the IRRATIONAL part of me wants to go into a panic. I've kept putting off children because I wanted to get established in my 1st career, then I put it off because I wanted to go to school, now I've put it off because I want to graduate before I have a child.  Now, I get the news that maybe something could be wrong with me....It could be awhile before I can be fixed and have a baby. Who knows?

I'm not an organized person by any means. But I'm a planner at heart.  So Charlie and I have already planned to have four children. We love children and all that comes with it. We are crazy we know.  So all this waiting to have a baby could hinder our plans of having four kids. I mean I am turning 27 in January. I always wanted to be a young mom who could keep up with her children. Now I'll be old and disabled running after my youngest.  LOL.

But I'm striving to get all this negative thoughts out. I really am. I'm letting God take care of it.  I am not going to be aggressive and take Clomid. I will wait it out and see what God has planned for me.  Much easier said than done.  Although it may seem like it - I'm not depressed and I'm not stressed. I know of one person going through the same thing so it gives me comfort that I can turn to her for support.  I've got great friends and family to talk to if I need encouragement.  Charlie has been great and very supportive. This is just a slight detour and Charlie and I will be happy to follow wherever it may lead.